Sometimes I find myself in situations that make me question "How in the world did I even get here?" Some of the guys I dated in high school for instance. What possessed me to think that they were even worth my time? I'm sure that those who know me well have been asking themselves the same question.
Fortunately - even when life becomes one big tangled mess there are still things that can be found to bring amusement. And through this life's struggles - I strive to find as many things I can laugh about as possible, even with the situations that brought them up are less than ideal.
Take for instance my friend in So Cal. We've been friends since college. If you can picture a beautiful red-head in a pencil skirt and high heels walking to class next to a tall awkward girl wearing over sized sweat pants and a jersey - you've pictured us. Yes, I'm the awkward one. Over the last few years we've seen a lot of good times together and a lot of difficult times.
She was a bridesmaid in my wedding - and a few months ago she bestowed on me the honor of being her Maid of Honor in her wedding.
Here is where her tangled mess begins. Have you ever known anyone that seemed to be one person - then a switch seems to go off and they turn from Jekyll to Hyde? Well, this happened to her very quickly after she got married. Long story - but now California Red is finding herself smack dab in the middle of a divorce. After a two month marriage you'd think that dissolving this mess would be text book and easy. Not so much.
Fortunately - her soon to be ex-husband has proven himself to be a great source of amusement, even though that's not what he's intending to be. Acting as his own attorney, when he signs all letters that he sends to her attorney with his name and "BS, Pilot" behind it. Somehow having a bachelor's degree and a pilot's license (and almost $100K in debt because of them) is now worthy of note. Hooray! I have something to show for those 4 years now! BS! I wonder if I can put "Ice Cream Truck Vendor" behind my name too.
Yesterday California Red went to a mediation hearing in attempts to simply rid herself of this BS Pilot. He summed up his reason for drawing this out quite clearly. "I don't want to leave this with nothing." I guess for a guy who gets paid under the table working for his dad who happens to be in debt up to his ears might as well try to prostitute himself however he can. Sad thing is that my friend was the unexpected John. She thought love - he saw money.
The Mediator suggested that California Red and BS Pilot should go the route of bifurcation in this divorce (basically they go back to "single" status even if the divorce process takes longer than the 6 month California waiting period). After this process was explained twice through BS Pilot requested that the Mediator "lower" the explanation so that he could understand. After a swift kick under the table from his dad - BS Pilot decided to ask for "Layman's terms" not "lower terms".
Finally, after agreeing to bifurcation - BS Pilot stated that he wants to have California Red's US Citizenship proven because he now believes that she married him for a Green Card. He now wants an annulment. Though California Red was born in Brazil - her parents were there as missionaries and she has dual citizenship. Bringing this up is absurd to say the very least.
The list of things he said in this meeting that scream "I'm a Moron" is long but distinguished. I'm sure before the end of all this I will have even more to laugh about.
I'll end with this: What is it that he was upset that she took when she moved out? The Vacuum. At least the BS Pilot cares about cleanliness.
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