Today is International Jan Green Appreciation Day. Every year on April 29th we take the time to show my aunt, Jan Green, how much we appreciate her.
As the story goes - she decided she wasn't appreciated enough one day. She declared the day to be National Jan Green Appreciation Day. Then she found out the Irish were celebrating the beautiful green color the same day - so International Jan Green Appreciation Day was born.
My Aunt Jan is one of the most wonderful, giving, loving, ornery, stubborn, ... , person I've ever known! :-) I can't really tell you how cool of a person she is. You'd just have to meet her.
To celebrate International Jan Green Appreciation Day my Uncle Rick decided to create a Facebook page under her name without her knowing it. Then he decided he would get as many people in on it as possible, switch the email account to her account, and watch to see what happened when she ended up with ten thousand Facebook related emails.
Aunt Jan's Response: What's on my mind? Do you all really want to know that? Okay, I'll tell you... Rick Green is a dead man!
I love you Aunt Jan! And boy do I appreciate you!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Green Card Anyone?
Sometimes I find myself in situations that make me question "How in the world did I even get here?" Some of the guys I dated in high school for instance. What possessed me to think that they were even worth my time? I'm sure that those who know me well have been asking themselves the same question.
Fortunately - even when life becomes one big tangled mess there are still things that can be found to bring amusement. And through this life's struggles - I strive to find as many things I can laugh about as possible, even with the situations that brought them up are less than ideal.
Take for instance my friend in So Cal. We've been friends since college. If you can picture a beautiful red-head in a pencil skirt and high heels walking to class next to a tall awkward girl wearing over sized sweat pants and a jersey - you've pictured us. Yes, I'm the awkward one. Over the last few years we've seen a lot of good times together and a lot of difficult times.
She was a bridesmaid in my wedding - and a few months ago she bestowed on me the honor of being her Maid of Honor in her wedding.
Here is where her tangled mess begins. Have you ever known anyone that seemed to be one person - then a switch seems to go off and they turn from Jekyll to Hyde? Well, this happened to her very quickly after she got married. Long story - but now California Red is finding herself smack dab in the middle of a divorce. After a two month marriage you'd think that dissolving this mess would be text book and easy. Not so much.
Fortunately - her soon to be ex-husband has proven himself to be a great source of amusement, even though that's not what he's intending to be. Acting as his own attorney, when he signs all letters that he sends to her attorney with his name and "BS, Pilot" behind it. Somehow having a bachelor's degree and a pilot's license (and almost $100K in debt because of them) is now worthy of note. Hooray! I have something to show for those 4 years now! BS! I wonder if I can put "Ice Cream Truck Vendor" behind my name too.
Yesterday California Red went to a mediation hearing in attempts to simply rid herself of this BS Pilot. He summed up his reason for drawing this out quite clearly. "I don't want to leave this with nothing." I guess for a guy who gets paid under the table working for his dad who happens to be in debt up to his ears might as well try to prostitute himself however he can. Sad thing is that my friend was the unexpected John. She thought love - he saw money.
The Mediator suggested that California Red and BS Pilot should go the route of bifurcation in this divorce (basically they go back to "single" status even if the divorce process takes longer than the 6 month California waiting period). After this process was explained twice through BS Pilot requested that the Mediator "lower" the explanation so that he could understand. After a swift kick under the table from his dad - BS Pilot decided to ask for "Layman's terms" not "lower terms".
Finally, after agreeing to bifurcation - BS Pilot stated that he wants to have California Red's US Citizenship proven because he now believes that she married him for a Green Card. He now wants an annulment. Though California Red was born in Brazil - her parents were there as missionaries and she has dual citizenship. Bringing this up is absurd to say the very least.
The list of things he said in this meeting that scream "I'm a Moron" is long but distinguished. I'm sure before the end of all this I will have even more to laugh about.
I'll end with this: What is it that he was upset that she took when she moved out? The Vacuum. At least the BS Pilot cares about cleanliness.
Fortunately - even when life becomes one big tangled mess there are still things that can be found to bring amusement. And through this life's struggles - I strive to find as many things I can laugh about as possible, even with the situations that brought them up are less than ideal.
Take for instance my friend in So Cal. We've been friends since college. If you can picture a beautiful red-head in a pencil skirt and high heels walking to class next to a tall awkward girl wearing over sized sweat pants and a jersey - you've pictured us. Yes, I'm the awkward one. Over the last few years we've seen a lot of good times together and a lot of difficult times.
She was a bridesmaid in my wedding - and a few months ago she bestowed on me the honor of being her Maid of Honor in her wedding.
Here is where her tangled mess begins. Have you ever known anyone that seemed to be one person - then a switch seems to go off and they turn from Jekyll to Hyde? Well, this happened to her very quickly after she got married. Long story - but now California Red is finding herself smack dab in the middle of a divorce. After a two month marriage you'd think that dissolving this mess would be text book and easy. Not so much.
Fortunately - her soon to be ex-husband has proven himself to be a great source of amusement, even though that's not what he's intending to be. Acting as his own attorney, when he signs all letters that he sends to her attorney with his name and "BS, Pilot" behind it. Somehow having a bachelor's degree and a pilot's license (and almost $100K in debt because of them) is now worthy of note. Hooray! I have something to show for those 4 years now! BS! I wonder if I can put "Ice Cream Truck Vendor" behind my name too.
Yesterday California Red went to a mediation hearing in attempts to simply rid herself of this BS Pilot. He summed up his reason for drawing this out quite clearly. "I don't want to leave this with nothing." I guess for a guy who gets paid under the table working for his dad who happens to be in debt up to his ears might as well try to prostitute himself however he can. Sad thing is that my friend was the unexpected John. She thought love - he saw money.
The Mediator suggested that California Red and BS Pilot should go the route of bifurcation in this divorce (basically they go back to "single" status even if the divorce process takes longer than the 6 month California waiting period). After this process was explained twice through BS Pilot requested that the Mediator "lower" the explanation so that he could understand. After a swift kick under the table from his dad - BS Pilot decided to ask for "Layman's terms" not "lower terms".
Finally, after agreeing to bifurcation - BS Pilot stated that he wants to have California Red's US Citizenship proven because he now believes that she married him for a Green Card. He now wants an annulment. Though California Red was born in Brazil - her parents were there as missionaries and she has dual citizenship. Bringing this up is absurd to say the very least.
The list of things he said in this meeting that scream "I'm a Moron" is long but distinguished. I'm sure before the end of all this I will have even more to laugh about.
I'll end with this: What is it that he was upset that she took when she moved out? The Vacuum. At least the BS Pilot cares about cleanliness.
Friday, April 23, 2010
I *Heart* Tim Tebow
I am a Denver Broncos fan.
I have been since I was a kid. I watched games with my dad through their good times and bad. Elway was (and still is) American Royalty.
The 2010 NFL Draft just happened, and to say my husband was less than thrilled with the Broncos' First Round pick of Tim Tebow is an understatement. He seemed to find it moronic. The morning after the pick I rode my bus (love my bus) and was immediately asked my thrill seeking Bus Buddy my thoughts on the Tim Tebow choice. He was also less than thrilled. I began to think that the City of Denver held a common opinion about this decision.
I was wrong.
I got to work and He emailed me. The same man that thanks God daily for allowing him to be significant in so many women's lives. The same man who thinks that his stomach doesn't contain any acid in it because that would reflect badly on his perfectly shaped abs. Yes, that man.
Actually, he emailed his ENTIRE contact list (yup, I'm special). The email implied that Tebow was drafted as an act of God. Now we should praise God that we have Tebow playing for the Broncos. I'm sure you can picture the enormous eye roll that this email got from me.
As I'm sure you've realized, Mr. I*Heart*Tim Tebow has already been a source of much amusement for me. He also rides my bus - and was one of the first people I got to know on the bus. He's an attractive single man in his early 30s. A business man now, he used to play Arena Football semi-professionally until an injury left him SOL. He likes to point out that people like us, young and attractive (really?? Thanks - but no thanks) have a rough life. So many people pine after us but yet we have to say no.
Few things in this life amuse me more than watching someone who sees them self as "God's Gift to the World". With his faith, constant reading of the Bible, and Christian dating books - the idea of "God's Gift to women" cannot be expressed more literally. Don't get me wrong, as a Christian myself I find faith, Bible reading, prayer, etc very important. Call it lack of faith on my part - but I'm sorry, I do not believe that God had a whole lot to do with the NFL draft. If so, I feel sorry for all of those heathen players who can let go of the ball in a timely manner who didn't think to pray.
Tonight's To Do List: Pray about being drafted into the NFL - specifically the Broncos. Amen.
I have been since I was a kid. I watched games with my dad through their good times and bad. Elway was (and still is) American Royalty.
The 2010 NFL Draft just happened, and to say my husband was less than thrilled with the Broncos' First Round pick of Tim Tebow is an understatement. He seemed to find it moronic. The morning after the pick I rode my bus (love my bus) and was immediately asked my thrill seeking Bus Buddy my thoughts on the Tim Tebow choice. He was also less than thrilled. I began to think that the City of Denver held a common opinion about this decision.
I was wrong.
I got to work and He emailed me. The same man that thanks God daily for allowing him to be significant in so many women's lives. The same man who thinks that his stomach doesn't contain any acid in it because that would reflect badly on his perfectly shaped abs. Yes, that man.
Actually, he emailed his ENTIRE contact list (yup, I'm special). The email implied that Tebow was drafted as an act of God. Now we should praise God that we have Tebow playing for the Broncos. I'm sure you can picture the enormous eye roll that this email got from me.
As I'm sure you've realized, Mr. I*Heart*Tim Tebow has already been a source of much amusement for me. He also rides my bus - and was one of the first people I got to know on the bus. He's an attractive single man in his early 30s. A business man now, he used to play Arena Football semi-professionally until an injury left him SOL. He likes to point out that people like us, young and attractive (really?? Thanks - but no thanks) have a rough life. So many people pine after us but yet we have to say no.
Few things in this life amuse me more than watching someone who sees them self as "God's Gift to the World". With his faith, constant reading of the Bible, and Christian dating books - the idea of "God's Gift to women" cannot be expressed more literally. Don't get me wrong, as a Christian myself I find faith, Bible reading, prayer, etc very important. Call it lack of faith on my part - but I'm sorry, I do not believe that God had a whole lot to do with the NFL draft. If so, I feel sorry for all of those heathen players who can let go of the ball in a timely manner who didn't think to pray.
Tonight's To Do List: Pray about being drafted into the NFL - specifically the Broncos. Amen.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Welcome to the 16th Street Mall
Like thousands of people every day, I commute to work via a bus. Every morning I hop on my Express Bus and take it to a station in downtown Denver. The I hope on a free Shuttle that goes down The 16th Street Mall. 
The 16th Street Mall is a community of it's own. With 17 Starbucks in a 2 mile strip, shopping areas, food galore, street musicians, and many more things - I'm sure you can see how this place is a petri dish for amusement. It seems like I send a daily text to my husband about the things I see. From someone that looks just like Steve The Pirate from Dodge Ball to a man excusing himself to tell me he thinks I'm pretty - I see it all. A man in a three piece Armani suit can be walking right next to someone who sleeps on the Mall every night.
The 16th Street Mall is a community of it's own. With 17 Starbucks in a 2 mile strip, shopping areas, food galore, street musicians, and many more things - I'm sure you can see how this place is a petri dish for amusement. It seems like I send a daily text to my husband about the things I see. From someone that looks just like Steve The Pirate from Dodge Ball to a man excusing himself to tell me he thinks I'm pretty - I see it all. A man in a three piece Armani suit can be walking right next to someone who sleeps on the Mall every night.Everyday Sightings on the Mall:
- People playing their daily game of Chess in the middle of the street.
- McDonald's that blasts classical music that can be heard for several blocks. (I'm told it's to keep homeless people from camping out there)
- Works of art in the middle of the street - including a few buffalos.
- Mobile food vendors selling anything from hot dogs, lattes, BBQ, and Ostrich meat.
- Street Musicians (I've seen jazz flute, banjo, trumpet, sax, accordion, and more)
- Pianos on several blocks ready for any passerby to play.
- Green Peace people with a new campaign every week.
Unusual Sightings on the Mall:
- A group of teenagers with 8'' Hair Spikes that had to spread out for fear of impaling each other.
- Bikini clad woman with a man in a towel standing out in the snow handing out pamphlets.
- Man on stilts with long gold pants and a rainbow jacket holding a sign telling me he can tell me what to wear.
I love Denver. I love the 16th Street Mall! Always something fun to see!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Face of Rabies
Do you watch "The Office"? You know those episodes about Meredith where Dwight throws a trash bag over her head in attempts to catch a bat, thus trapping her head in the bag with the bat? And then the episode when Michael accidentally hits Meredith with a car, breaking her pelvis? While in the hospital, as you remember, Meredith finds out that not only does she have a broken pelvis from Michael, but she also has rabies from the bat incident with Dwight.Michael decides (probably out of guilt for hitting her with the car...look it up on YouTube, it was really funny!) that the Scranton Dunder Mifflin branch should hold a Fun Run to raise money for Rabies research. As a failed attempt to raise the sympathy vote flyers were created (see photo above) appealing to people to Look Into the Face of Rabies.
While watching The Office other day it dawned on me that I know someone who looks exactly like Meredith. This particular woman happens to be the Mother of all Micromanagers everywhere. In order to entertain myself I pulled up the above picture to show to a friend and forever more when I see this lady I realize that I am looking into the Face of Rabies.
This uncanny look-a-like keeps an internal laughter going when absurd things happen - like the time she walked past me while I was working on something, then backed up and walked past again just to make sure I'd look at her to acknowledge she was walking by. Her explanation - not mine. Or the time she emailed on her day when she in a tizzy because I didn't answer an email from her within a few minutes. Oops, I forgot that I have to respond to all the 5000 emails I get daily within 10 minutes. My bad.
The more angry she gets, the more I just want to laugh. This, my friends, IS The Face of Rabies. I'm sure that more "FORab" stories will be coming.
Monday, April 5, 2010
A Troll with Mean Streak
I work with a Troll.
No joke. A Troll. My manager and several of my co-workers all confirm this belief and will stand behind me in this assertion.
I work in the purchasing office for a University here in Denver, CO. One of our AP (Accounts Payable) techs would win an award for "Battiest Co-worker Imaginable" - if such a thing existed. I could hand out many awards to several co-workers. However, this lady takes the cake. I have yet to meet someone who works with someone that even comes close to the bizarre ways of The Troll.
So you get a picture: this lady is about 5'1''. A boxy lady with glasses, a rather large mole on her chin, and a cackle that would rival the best witch cackles you've ever heard. I'm tempted to put a link to her picture - but that wouldn't be nice would it? I have realized that she never washes her hands after using the rest room. This knowledge helped explain why at my first company potluck everyone seemed to rush to the front of the line - pushing in front of The Troll. No one dares touch anything after she's gotten her poop-hands all over the utensils. Wish they would have told me before I ended up at the back of the line.
The Situation:
My cubicle is situated right next to a man lovingly referred to as TNT. He is a good natured man in his 40s with black and purple hair, a vegan diet, and a knack for creating nicknames for everyone worth note. The Troll ("PK" to him) has for some reason decided to unleash on him.
Last Friday she went to him asking for him to help her with something. When I see her I turn down my music so I can listen to the scene as it unfolds. That particular day she chose to tell TNT that she wanted to throw acid on him.... Insert her maniacal cackle here.
After much though as to how to respond to this he decided to go to the source. Talk to the Troll and tell her that this isn't acceptable humor to him. TNT walks over to her cubicle (thankfully on the far side of the office) and tells her that though he's all for humor and joking in the workplace - it makes him uncomfortable to be threatened with acid. One would think that she would apologize citing humor. Nope - not the Troll. Her response to him included correcting him saying that she never said she was going to simply throw acid on him. She wanted to make sure he realized that she wanted to "Throw acid all over your face and melt it off." She then growled (yes, growled) at him and walked away.
Who does that? I have a good feeling that more Troll stories will be haunting this blog. Some things just need to be written about for the amusement of the masses. If nothing else - enjoy the Schadenfreuden feeling you get knowing that this is not YOUR co-worker.
No joke. A Troll. My manager and several of my co-workers all confirm this belief and will stand behind me in this assertion.
I work in the purchasing office for a University here in Denver, CO. One of our AP (Accounts Payable) techs would win an award for "Battiest Co-worker Imaginable" - if such a thing existed. I could hand out many awards to several co-workers. However, this lady takes the cake. I have yet to meet someone who works with someone that even comes close to the bizarre ways of The Troll.
So you get a picture: this lady is about 5'1''. A boxy lady with glasses, a rather large mole on her chin, and a cackle that would rival the best witch cackles you've ever heard. I'm tempted to put a link to her picture - but that wouldn't be nice would it? I have realized that she never washes her hands after using the rest room. This knowledge helped explain why at my first company potluck everyone seemed to rush to the front of the line - pushing in front of The Troll. No one dares touch anything after she's gotten her poop-hands all over the utensils. Wish they would have told me before I ended up at the back of the line.
The Situation:
My cubicle is situated right next to a man lovingly referred to as TNT. He is a good natured man in his 40s with black and purple hair, a vegan diet, and a knack for creating nicknames for everyone worth note. The Troll ("PK" to him) has for some reason decided to unleash on him.
Last Friday she went to him asking for him to help her with something. When I see her I turn down my music so I can listen to the scene as it unfolds. That particular day she chose to tell TNT that she wanted to throw acid on him.... Insert her maniacal cackle here.
After much though as to how to respond to this he decided to go to the source. Talk to the Troll and tell her that this isn't acceptable humor to him. TNT walks over to her cubicle (thankfully on the far side of the office) and tells her that though he's all for humor and joking in the workplace - it makes him uncomfortable to be threatened with acid. One would think that she would apologize citing humor. Nope - not the Troll. Her response to him included correcting him saying that she never said she was going to simply throw acid on him. She wanted to make sure he realized that she wanted to "Throw acid all over your face and melt it off." She then growled (yes, growled) at him and walked away.
Who does that? I have a good feeling that more Troll stories will be haunting this blog. Some things just need to be written about for the amusement of the masses. If nothing else - enjoy the Schadenfreuden feeling you get knowing that this is not YOUR co-worker.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Amusement Introduction
Confession: I have never blogged before.
2nd Confession: I think people who pour their life out in a blog for the world to see might think twice before involving strangers in things that are personal. If you have a problem with your spouse - don't you think you should tell them instead of the world? It might be resolved quicker.
HOWEVER - I find people very funny. Every day I end up witnessing something that reminds me of the absurdity of humans of all kinds. Yes, I have the craziest co-workers ever. I find humor in the small situations in life - many of which I stumble upon by being particularly nutty myself.
I have a small following on my bus. Every evening when riding home I spill the crazy things that I see. Life sucks for most everyone - so why can't we all find enjoyment when we can?
I came to the conclusion today that I should write some of these things down...if for no other reason than to keep a record of all of this - because at least it makes me laugh.
Here is my record. Life is absurd. I find amusement in that.
2nd Confession: I think people who pour their life out in a blog for the world to see might think twice before involving strangers in things that are personal. If you have a problem with your spouse - don't you think you should tell them instead of the world? It might be resolved quicker.
HOWEVER - I find people very funny. Every day I end up witnessing something that reminds me of the absurdity of humans of all kinds. Yes, I have the craziest co-workers ever. I find humor in the small situations in life - many of which I stumble upon by being particularly nutty myself.
I have a small following on my bus. Every evening when riding home I spill the crazy things that I see. Life sucks for most everyone - so why can't we all find enjoyment when we can?
I came to the conclusion today that I should write some of these things down...if for no other reason than to keep a record of all of this - because at least it makes me laugh.
Here is my record. Life is absurd. I find amusement in that.
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