Tuesday, September 21, 2010
"Are you representing McDonalds? Because, I'm Lovin' It!"
"Too bad you're not a bee because Honey I would love to take you to my hive"
"You two ladies are so hot that you need to separate because that's too much attractiveness in once place"
Thursday, August 19, 2010
One guy from college stands out to me as one of the oddest ducks I've ever met. I don't say this lightly.
I first saw Mr. Grant on stage in college doing his much anticipated Michael Jackson impersonation at an all school event. Each year he'd perform a new song - and rumor has it that the sets cost him about $1,000 each year. His parents and brother were in the audience - ever the doting family. Over the next few years I would realize that their family revolved around Mr. Grant's aspirations in many ventures.
Known on campus for his improv, extreme right political view shown through his school news articles, and his ability to entertain - Mr. Grant was an anomaly. Being the naive and, well, stupid freshman that I was I decided I should get to know the REAL Mr. Grant. Unknowable people are a challenge to me - and I had nothing better to do. He made this very easy for me because he had a huge crush on my cousin - so he saw me as a way to get to know her.
Our short obnoxious "friendship" ended quite abruptly when he accused me of being a hateful person when I told him my cousin had a boyfriend. Go figure. Just yesterday his name popped up on my Facebook. We are not even at the level of "Facebook Friends" but we have many mutual friends. I took the opportunity to check out what Mr. Grant was up to. I'm glad I did! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I'll let him speak for himself. :-)
Facebook Profile Bio:
I'm an actor and a performer. I perform "mind-whispering" for corporate audiences (www.mind-whispering.com)
|I wrote and directed a feature film called No Burgers for Bigfoot which was named #1 by film threat in their best of the year list of 2008. (Note: on the Internet Movie Database it was given 4 1/2 stars out of 10)|
The rest of me is composed of mostly water.
Internet Movie Database Trivia (Written by Mr. Grant himself):
He is a highly-regarded mentalist whose contributions have been published in Banachek's sequel to "Psychological Subtleties" which is considered one of the top 3 books on mentalism ever written.
Is the creator of flagfootballplays.com and is widely considered to arguably be the world's foremost expert on flag football strategy.
It appears to me that Mr. Grant has not only *cough* accomplished a few things since college - but he has fallen completely and totally in love with himself. This shouldn't come as a surprise to me. While trying to convince me that he should marry my cousin - he said that he was the only one on campus that was good enough for her.
I have to admit - I will keep following what he does. I have a feeling he will be an endless source of amusement!
Good thing I got the chance to meet this guy.... Ha!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Okay - so yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the bus with my Bus Buddy. I*Heart*TT was standing near by. I was about to tell my Bus Buddy about something stupid (I'm sure) and I*Heart*TT looks at me, interrupts my sentence with "Hi!" I respond with a greeting. He proceeds to tell me that he's thinking about moving in a year or so.
I ask him if he still likes his job. He said he loves it. I said - well, do you not like Denver. He said he loves Denver. I said - well, then why are you thinking about moving? He said after 4 1/2 years he hasn't found the most important thing in life here in Denver...love. So, in a year he's going to move so he can find someone.
That was the end of that conversation. He turned away and my Bus Buddy looked at me and was like - What in the World! He then said that he thought that I*Heart*TT was just trying to get me to tell him how much I'd miss him or something.
So, this morning I got onto the bus and looked at my Bus Buddy and said that JB and I are thinking about moving in a few years...we need to find better hair dressers. Then I asked him if he was going to beg me not to leave or if he was going to be excited to see me go. I told him he needs to profess his undying entertainment by me. :-)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
We moved to Kansas City in August 2007. I got to the apartment complex about 2 hours before JB did - he was driving the moving truck. I walked into the leasing office of the place that JB picked out to get a key and to sign the lease. He told me that the place had just gone through a multi-million dollar renovation. Well, this is true - but... well, I'll keep going.
Walking into the leasing office I met Ricky. Ricky was a male cross-dresser. The funny thing is that JB and I could tell which Ricky looked better as - a female or a male. He/She was able to pull off both. Ricky walked me to our new apartment and showed me around. The biggest problem with the place was simply that the parking lot looked like it hadn't been paved in several years. But - we were told - that would be changing. I think that the day we moved in the place looked better than we were ever going to see it again. We were the only white couple to be found in our building.
Not long into our stay there we started giving our friends the grand tour. Our apartment was in a dorm-style building. The wall on the bottom floor was filled with large shoulder and body sized holes in the wall. At shoulder height there was a blood streak that went the entire length of the hall. The stairwell was home to hair extensions, condoms, trash, and many other things. So much for the renovation. Our apartment itself was actually nice, you just had to forget everything else. The place wasn't all bad.
John and I had free entertainment several nights a month consisting of sitting on our balcony watching the police officers chase down people, break up domestic violence, deal with people shooting out the front door, and many other things. It was our idea of a neighborhood block party. One night we had 18 police cars in the parking lot. Great entertainment! Of course - most of our neighbors were also watching, but many of them also felt the need to give advice to the perps.
One night JB was house sitting for some friends of ours. He told me that if there was anything I needed call him. I woke up at 3:17am to shots being fired. I called JB in a panic. He asked me if I wanted him to come home - and I told him that was a horrible idea because I didn't want him to be caught in the cross-hairs. The next morning it was pouring down rain. I went outside to my car so I could help a friend move. When I got into the car I noticed that the dashboard was covered in water. I looked up and saw a bullet hole in the middle of my windshield. I called JB and told him that I had discovered what had been shot the night before.
Fourth of July the year that we lived there was one of the worst holidays I've experienced. Our next door neighbors decided it would be fun to shoot off M40s INSIDE the building right in front of our door....at 2AM. Our apartment filled with smoke and alarms were going off everywhere. This doesn't account for what was going on outside too. You'd think that you moved to the middle of a war zone. Like the wonderful husband that he is - JB made me comfort food at 2:30am and put on Singing in the Rain for me to watch to settle down. God bless him!
Finally after a year we moved out. No harm but a dent that remained in our trunk from where the bullet tried to escape the car - and many many stories. While we were moving out my purse was stolen from inside our apartment while we were carrying boxes up and down the stairs. Yes Apartments, I will miss you too!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I met Scott on the bus. How many times must I mention that I Love My Bus? :-) My Bus Buddy and I started talking with Scott a bit over a month ago. These two men are gluttons for punishment when they agree to let me converse with them each day. I haven't come up with a nick name for my blog for Scott yet, so I think he'll just have to keep his name.
For some unknown reason Scott read my blog and desired to be a part of it. I told him that most of the time I write about someone it's me making fun of them. Not to hurt them, no, but at least for my own amusement...hence the name of my blog. Two days ago it was Scott's birthday - so in honor of him for his birthday I decided to write about him.
On his birthday he mentioned that at work he had tried to hide the fact it was his birthday. He is the "old guy" in his office (a whopping 34 years of age) and he didn't want others to know it. After the word got out one of his co-workers informed him that he shouldn't be embarrassed, men get better with age. I'd tend to agree with this. I married someone older than me and haven't regretted it for a second. I jumped on Scott's attempts to hide his age and the "men get better with age" discussion and started teasing him about being more attractive than he was at simply 33 years of age. He proceeded in threatening to strut his stuff the next day on the bus by wearing a gold chain and painting on chest hair to attract the ladies. Then he thought of a better idea - how about take hair from his cat and tape it to his chest?
I about died! My bus buddy and I busted into laughter at the thought of our new friend cornering his poor kitty and stealing some hair to be taped to his chest. I was very disappointed the next day when Scott showed up without an ounce of cat hair on him and no gold chain.
So Scott - I told you I'd write about you. Though I threatened to PhotoShop your picture, this is straight from your Facebook. And even though you and Bus Buddy Bret were ganging up on me yesterday - I hope you and he both know that you guys keep me very entertained and I enjoy the company. :-) But Scott, keep on your toes - you never know what I might say next.
Monday, June 7, 2010
I must say, I love Denver! For two weekends in a row I have been able to hop on a light rail downtown and head to several free festivals. Last weekend I went to their Art Festival and a free concert containing many bands - including Five For Fighting. And let me tell you - the people watching opportunities are in abundance!
Last weekend I went with JB and a couple of new friends (including my Bus Buddy - I love my bus!) I went to the Larimer Chalk Art Festival. Over 200 chalk artists filled a two block radius with their beautiful art. I didn't know that simple chalk could make things that were so amazing.
One thing JB and I have found is that no matter where you live fun/cheap/free things can be found. This Chalk Art Festival was free! So were all of the other festivals we've attended. Being amused and going on dates doesn't have to cost anything! You just need to know where to look and JB is the best at finding things.
I hope you enjoy the art as much as I did.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Every business has these people. I have run into a bunch of crazy situations because of this. That doesn't mean that it doesn't drive me nuts. My problem is that I try to be helpful - and I'm known for it now. When in doubt, Sarah will help bail you out! I hope they know that turn about is fair play. :-)
The worst is when a person tries to give me work in the form of a "compliment". "But Sarah, you're always so good at handling these things." Give me a break!
This morning I got to work, looked in my mail box, read a note from FORab, and immediately went straight to TNT's cube to vent. She had put in my mailbox a form that she needed to take care of with a note:
Hey Sarah - Can you please tell them it's the wrong form? Thanks!
How is it that a form that she needs to take care of gets sent to me so that I can talk to the 3rd party about the fact it is the wrong form? I think that she could have simply emailed them in the time it took for her to throw her written weight at me. She is not my supervisor, nor am I her personal secretary. FORab did the same thing last week - she wanted me to email someone to tell them they had filled out a form incorrectly. The form was dealing with something that I don't even have access to work with.
I must remember, her's is the Face of Rabies...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
One of the things that JB and I have come across with these kids is that they really like to tag. Graffiti. I know at least one of my students has been arrested for tagging in the past. The other thing I should note is that these boys are very talented. If I had half the artistic ability...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Last Friday JB decided that we should talk about the connection between the the stories in the Bible dealing with The Tower of Babel (languages were mixed) and Pentecost (languages were unified via the Holy Spirit). For a fun object lesson JB decided we should build The Tower of Babel with marshmallows and spaghetti.
We broke up into 3 teams and this is what we came up with.
The oldest Pastor's son ended up with all the younger kids. He was a real trooper.
The ended up going with the Tepee method.
The middle Pastor's son and the Pastor's daughter were on another team together with one of the other girls.
They were very methodical about their tower making.
They were made up with one guy who just graduated from high school (and earned his associates at the same time!), one girl who is a Sophomore, and a younger girl whom I had never met.
They started off with trying to make it stronger by using multiple spaghetti sticks and "flying buttresses" to keep it sturdy.
Team 1 tried to make it as tall as possible at the end, but end ended up being the Leaning Tower of Marshmallows.
Team 2 kept their tower strong until the end and tried to build up in height at the last possible moment.
Team 3 had a good thing going but got greedy with the height when they saw the other teams passing them. After a tragic collapse as the clock was running down one of the guys helped in the demolition.
Winners: TEAM 1!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Here are a few tips if you find yourself doing any of these odd jobs:
Christian Book Store Clerk: The owner sold the shop to a couple from Southern California. They ran the bookstore into the ground and sued the former owner. They obviously didn't read the books they were selling.
Ice Cream Truck Driver: When a man wearing paper thin skin tight purple shorts comes running up to you - PRAY that he isn't excited to see you!
Hearing Aid Marketer: When calling people that are 70+ don't be surprised that you'll accidentally call a few dead people.
Gas Station Attendant: Having three men sit in the back of the station staring at you through binoculars is NOT to be considered a compliment.
Ghost Writer: When you get paid $.25 a word - DO NOT use contractions.
Photographer: When in doubt - call it artistic.
Hot Dog Stand "Girl": When sitting outside in the sun all day waiting to sell hot dogs - WEAR SUNSCREEN!
College Admissions Assistant: Playing a game with high school students that requires them to drink a gallon of water will end up making them hurl. Keep trash cans near.
Orchard Cherry Picker: Eating lunch at 10:00am is just fine as long as you buy it off the back of a truck. Oh, and eating too many cherries will do a number to your stomach. Not good when you're stuck in the middle of an orchard.
Waitress: 95% of waiters have large egos. Play to it and you'll do fine. And be nice to the bussers and the dish-washers. They'll be your biggest ally or they can make your life very difficult.
Party Pics Photographer: Teenagers in small towns don't always have "Proms" - sometimes they have "Morps - Backwards Proms" and they can be more white trash than I would have thought they could be.
Window Tinting Receptionist: Bubbling purple tint is not cool. Good news - it comes off easily with a bit of steam!
Event Planner: When you find out that the man that you plan events for lost $300K on the last event he planned - prepare for a bumpy road....better yet, find another job!
Non Profit Department Accountant: If you are a wiz at MS Excel you can get away with filling your bosses office with 750+ balloons while he's on vacation.
Student Billing Coordinator: If you've worked at a job for over a month and they still haven't told you what it is that your job will include - you might as well cut your losses.
LOFT Store Retail: When your manager tells you that you need to go run around the block so that you can make work more of a "party atmosphere" - simply slap her and quit. Things will just keep going downhill from there.
Current Job - Vendoring and Procurement Card Monitor: If you start working with someone who looks like a troll and laughs like Freddy Krueger start writing a blog!